A small family, a great testimony

"We owe our testimony to St Anastasia. This is also an encouragement for all those women who cannot have children of their own", said Željka, adding that when she learned she was pregnant, she entrusted everything to the Lord, trusting in his holy will.

"I can honestly testify that, deep in my heart, I always believed the Lord would grant us offspring" – adds her husband, Mate.

"It's a special feeling to bear her name, because she marks our whole lives", concludes Stošija.

On 15 January, the Archdiocese of Zadar celebrates its heavenly patroness and the titular saint of Zadar Cathedral, St Anastasia - known locally as sv. Stošija. This patroness of pregnant women, mothers in childbirth and infertile women is a Christian martyr who was burned at the stake in Sirmium (Sremska Mitrovica) on Christmas Day in the year 304. On the programme "Aktualno" on Croatian Catholic Radio, Željka Tomaš, a woman of Zadar, shared her testimony - she who, through the intercession of this great saint, became the mother of a daughter, Stošija.

Zadar photographer Željka Tomaš is a picture of the effective power of St Anastasia, who in a special way watches over pregnant women, mothers in childbirth and infertile women. Željka herself, faced with the inability to have children, was one of them. Željka is now the mother of an eighteen-year-old daughter, Stošija, who bears the name of her heavenly patroness. Željka had, in fact, sought the saint's intercession at the Roman church of St Anastasia.

St Anastasia was Roman by birth, Zadar's by veneration, and, interestingly, Željka's daughter Stošija was also conceived under Roman skies. When their daughter Stošija turned four, Željka and her husband Mate left Rome and returned to her native Zadar. The Tomaš family now lives on the Zadar peninsula, in the immediate vicinity of Zadar Cathedral, and their flat looks out onto the bell tower of St Anastasia's, whose bells accompany them and remind them of the saint's heavenly protection.

"This cathedral is my mother church, which gives me strength every day and reminds me, wherever I am, of my mother, through whom the Lord gave me life, but whom I unfortunately never knew. I cannot help but feel the strength of my stepmother, my mother's sister, who passed the faith on to me and with whom I lived beneath that bell tower. This is the place I came back to, where I went to school and continued to live with my family", said Željka, recalling the war years, her studies, and her move to Rome, where she met her husband Mate.

Dreams of marriage, a large family and life in the countryside were, as Željka testifies, the path of her purification and her coming to the church of St Anastasia in Rome.

"After we got married, for eight years no child would come. You can imagine the suffering and the questioning we went through in our marriage and family. In the end we somehow surrendered, because we had that togetherness. Over the years, Mother Anastazija from Zadar, my spiritual mother, often came to visit us. One year she took me to the church of St Anastasia in Rome, where I had never been before. She would always go there and pray, and the Benedictine brothers and many of our friends prayed for that intention too", Željka recalls.

That was when, she says, she set out on the path of her own conversion and renewed surrender to God. The church of St Anastasia in Rome is known for having the Blessed Sacrament exposed there twenty-four hours a day.

"My husband and I used to go there together with a friend who is today Stošija's godmother. We hoped, and left everything in the Lord's hands", said Željka.

In 2003, as they were preparing to travel home for the Christmas holidays, Željka learned that another heart was beating beneath her own. At that time a Christmas tree from Croatia was being brought to the Vatican, and there she met Fra Ivan Matić, who blessed her and her womb.

"The Communion of All Saints, St Anastasia, who led all of this, and the prayers of people full of the Spirit worked a miracle, because through my sick, worthless, incapable body, this child would never otherwise have been born into this world".

Their daughter Stošija was born on their wedding anniversary. Željka testifies that it was precisely through her daughter that she received many graces and an experience of God's love. When she took her daughter Stošija into her arms, Željka thought: "Will I stay alive… Or will I too die after giving birth, like my mother". That fear had always followed her.

"I looked at Stošija as if she were me. In her I saw myself as a child. There are many situations here that intertwine. You could say, 'God heals at once'. But it's complicated, it involves struggles, it takes conversations".

Željka's mother died young, at the age of 32. She died from the effects of sepsis, a month after giving birth to Željka. At the time everyone said: 'It didn't have to happen'. Željka has a sister and a brother; she is the third child, deeply wanted, which is why she was named Željka.  Six years after Stošija's birth, Željka and Mate gained another child in heaven. Željka does not say: "I had three miscarriages", but rather "We have three children in heaven".

And even once the pregnancy with Stošija was already well advanced, the doctors did not give Željka much hope. They told her: "It's risky, you'd best be patient, I wouldn't say anything definite just yet".

"When I had my second curettage, I didn't want to have it done for a long time. They do say, 'Wait'. Because very often it turns out that the child's heart is still beating. I was patient in that too. Some women 'get rid of' the pregnancy, those are hard moments too. You're afraid for yourself as well", concluded Željka Tomaš.

The pregnancy was difficult for Željka, and, as she says, it was a time of struggle for her soul. When the child was born, she felt great love, but also fear. In all of this she had a great support in her husband, Mate.

"He is truly God-fearing, and he really longed and pleaded for a child. It's interesting that our daughter was conceived on Christmas Eve, and St Anastasia's feast day is celebrated on Christmas Day itself, though liturgically it has been moved to 15 January".

"I give thanks for everything, every day; I give thanks that I can live and feast upon God's word, live simply, in humility and prayer".

Their daughter Stošija, eighteen years old, is a student at the John Paul II Classical Grammar School, and is musically gifted. She notes that she proudly bears the name of St Anastasia: "She is a martyr who suffered all manner of things for God's sake, and I proudly bear her name. It's a rare name, not everyone has it. The older I get, the dearer my name becomes to me. At school I'm always the only one called that".

Noting that she is aware how long her parents waited for her, Stošija says she is grateful for all the love given to her in life. She had a message for young people: not to look to the world, but to focus on what is within: "The Church gives me life. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard to live in today's world, but I know that God is the one who gives life".

Željka's life struggle continues even now.

"Four years ago my womb was removed, my uterus, my 'hystera', 'madness', as the medics would call it (laughs). They say the womb is the seat of God's mercy. I say, 'Well, "the one with the little tail" (the devil, ed.)  wanted to take my mercy from me too. But I won't give in'. (Incidentally, from the Hebrew noun rehem (womb; plur. rehamim) come the translations of God's attribute of mercy and compassion. We find them in both the Torah and the Qur'an (the Arabic word rahman, mercy, also means: womb). The attributes merciful and compassionate express the twofold nature of God's mercy: towards the world it is like a womb towards a human being, and at the same time it contains within itself all the possible qualities and meanings of a womb: tenderness, protection, unconditionality.)

No longer having her reproductive organs was hard for Željka to accept: "Everyone tells you, 'It's all fine now, you can get on with a free life'. Not to mention the hormonal side of things. But there's that psychological level, always that longing of a woman, since this happened to me while I was still in my fertile years".

Željka does not deny that, when the organs serving childbearing are removed, a woman feels it as the loss of part of her identity and femininity. "Chemical dysfunction does all sorts of things. I found even the birth hard to bear, the most beautiful moment of my life. A child is a gift, yet that hole opened up in me, the loss of my mother, postpartum depression. But I accept all of that as normal, and it all makes sense. But then, at least, you could still rejoice. Now, after losing my uterus and ovaries, there's nothing left". She does not finish the sentence, 'There's nothing left – to rejoice about', because Željka's final thought is "But… God…" God allows her, all the same, to rejoice in whatever circumstances.

"It's hard for women who go through this, but there is comfort from God and the saints. It took me a year or two to get over what happened to me. I was hit by depression, a chemical one, I say. People say, 'Well, why do you care, you have one child'. Well, yes, but… Or, 'Why does it matter now, you'd have reached the menopause anyway'. Some people perhaps cope with it more easily. But everything in you is thrown out of balance, your physiological needs and everything else. It's really not easy to get through. And afterwards, in marriage too, and in other areas. It certainly wasn't easy for my husband either, even though he doesn't say so, and I have his full support. I believe that God and the sacraments, like confession, really do work and act. And our daughter's sacraments too".

23 August 2003 is the birth date of our daughter Stošija. I am trying to gather my emotions and bear witness to my own experience of that joyful event, which changed my life and that of my wife, Željka.

The story begins when I met Željka at the end of July 1995 in Rome, Italy, where we both lived and worked after the horrors of the Homeland War. Today our daughter says, with a sparkle in her eyes: "Hey Mum, Dad, so you had a love story in the Eternal City, and love at first sight too!" After two years of sincere closeness with the Lord, on 23 August 1997 we received the Sacrament of Marriage. Over a period of six years Željka became pregnant twice, but the child's heart never began to beat. The doctors determined that it was an autoimmune condition, which develops antibodies in the mother that kill the child at the very moment of conception. My wife immediately began appropriate pharmacological treatment. In the summer of 2002 we together visited a children's home near Zagreb and made our first contacts for a further visit around the Christmas holidays, concerning the possibility of adoption. We were open to God's plan. A few days before our trip home to Croatia for the holidays, Željka suspected a new pregnancy, which was confirmed on Christmas Eve itself. The trip was of course postponed; we were left in uncertainty as to how things would unfold, full of doubts and fears, but also of hope that the Lord would have mercy on us and grant us offspring, making us the parents of a new soul. When Stošija's heart began to beat, at the first check-up, I felt as though my heart had grown bigger than St Peter's Basilica. And when Stošija was born, significantly on our wedding anniversary, that same heart said: "Thank you, Jesus, for having love for me, a sinner, and for hearing my prayer and my hope."

And finally, this gift of faith and strength from God I wish to pass on to all those who today live through the suffering of infertility. I thank everyone who prayed for Stošija's life, and who showed me a new path. What mattered was saying "Yes!" to the Lord.